Comfort those...

Okay, I don't want to make anyone feel bad.  All of us, at some point or another have been that guy (girl).

Yeah...we've all done it, so don't feel bad.

(quick background: since some of you might not know, about three months ago, my fiancée of five months left me, and that's where the story picks up)

I was sitting in Church (this was a while ago) listening to people give me their condolences, and every time a new person started talking, it was like they were jabbing me with something sharp.  After a few rounds of this, I started to realize, they didn't even know they were being inconsiderate.  They didn't know what the right thing to say was.  Now, I'm no expert on the *right* thing to say.  Maybe there isn't one.  After all, no combination of words is going to fill that hole.  Having said that, this is not one of those times where there is no wrong answer.  Below are some of the best (worst) things I heard, many of them common, all of them tending towards the trite and insincere, and none of them is a good thing to say.  If by chance you've said one of these, don't feel too bad, you are in plentiful company (and I don't remember, anyway).

"Well, there are lots of other fish in the sea." -- What's wrong: umm.  Yeah.  I know.  And I thought this one was special, this one stood out.  One week ago I thought I was spending the rest of forever with her, and I'm supposed to be...what, excited that I have to go back out sifting through millions of other 'fish in the sea'?

Baby getting its first taste of foot

"It's probably better now than later." -- What's wrong:  what isn't wrong with saying that?  I mean...I know the people who said it weren't really thinking about it, but that's harsh.  You probably don't know what happened.  If it was my fault, this is akin to telling me I never had a chance, I was always going to end up driving her away.  (Coincidentally, in my situation, I actually think I would have been much better had it happened a month later, so I could have focused better during the week of finals.)

"It was for the best" -- What's wrong: oh, boy.  Well, this is probably not the right sentiment to have at any point in the process, but it's especially wrong when the wound is fresh.  Chances are, even if you are right, the person doesn't agree.  It takes a long time to stop thinking of someone as your significant other, and even longer to stop idly fantasizing about how wonderful things would have been.  Contrasted with how miserable that person is right then, it seems like a pretty darned good option, actually.

You tell him, Rusty...you need to *listen*

Other winners that deserve an honorable mention: (I think they speak for themselves)

"Give it some time, (You'll find someone else)"--refer to the above, 'fish in the sea' comment.

"It wasn't meant to be,"--Not what I thought.

"Some day she will be sorry" / "It's her loss"--Is...that...supposed to help?  And, the way I feel, it kinda does seem like my loss, too...

"Well, I bet you didn't know about her doing this, you should be glad to be rid of her" et al.--  Are you joking?  Why didn't you mention this, like, you know, when it would have made a difference? Like, back before we were in a committed relationship?  That would have been great, thanks!